ok now SERIOUSLY. I just finished my last assignment ever for Eastern University; what I think is actually an excellent paper for Dr. Cary. This is the moment for which I should have reserved my YAY!!!!!!!!

But now I have time to say more. It is interesting that a month in which so little actually happened other than my scrambling to finish work would make me feel like I have so so much to say. I do not know where to begin. I am so glad that I will at least have this week to just sort of ponder my upcoming graduation and the change in my life that that entails. I have been wrestling with feeling of defeat because so many post-grad opportuntiies are either taking their sweet time to get back to me or they just do not want me. I am particularly thinking of two jobs in the Philly area that sounded AMAZING where the person who would be my boss met me, liked me, said they would call to set up a meeting about opportunties with them and then...never did. Or, maybe not never. But I am still waiting and trying often unsuccessfully to curb my growing anxiety.

Yet a thought just occured to me that maybe it is really a beautiful providence that God would not give me a particular opportunity to lean on in my post-grad contemplation. Maybe it is better that I don't have any idea what to imagine after this. The presently empty future will allow me to truly focus my prayer and enjoyment on the present moment. This time in my life is important and I can see why it would not be beneficial for a person like me to get too caught up with dreams, with a foot always five steps ahead in the future. God is leaving me no choice but to invest in NOW. That is very deeply beneficial to me, and I can already see that. And that is SO much easier to say now that the present moment is FREE of homework and allergies.

(SIGH OF RELIEF!!!)

On the other hand, I feel incredibly proud of both my roommates' future decisions. Michelle will be doing AIDS research at UPenn like the scientific genius that she is. It is funny because her boss-to-be just can't seem to stop praising her. Out of hundreds (maybe even thousands!) of applicants, she stood out to him and she has no idea why. But you know, as her friend, I really really do. Amazing the good things we can't see about ourselves, huh? In contrast, my other roommate Sarah has bravely embraced that which she fears: a year of floating and building a life outside of a lucrative job. This coudl not be more perfect for the Type A, work-driven person that Sarah is. This will be her chance to pay attention to the part of her life that she has been denying and I think that's awesome. That is what I meant by God working in people's lives. There are many other instances, but those specifically make me pause, sit back and wonder at what God will do with me; what sorts of ironically GREAT things He has planned for me.

Photo school? Seminary? Social Work? Progressive Magazine? These are all possibilities on my table. But right now, I will try to curb my worry, put my feet up on that table and just relax. One of the biggest things that I learned this year in my classes was that the whole notion of God having a plan laid out for MY life might just be bogus. I think God's only set plan for me is that I continue on as a Christian, as His child. And child is an appropriate metaphor in this case because my parents are the same way. They do not care at all where I end up as long as I still love them, love myself and love my life despite everything. God's plan is to provide for me, but I am no longer as afraid about falling off His narrow path to the perfect career or calling. The narrow path is the path of trust in Him, narrow because so many people are not willing to take that risk. It helps to know that so many of you, my friends are taking that risk with me.

'Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship'. (Romans 12:1)