Another night where I shock my parents by going to bed at 11. I regret not being able to get out to college group tonight so say goodbye to Scott. He is moving up to Clinton, NJ for his YMIN career (and his own house!!). But after a long day beginning at 6:30, I just kind of gave up and stayed home. And I am glad because I would not want to be driving back on the Beltway tonight feeling this exhausted. Anyway, I'm rambling.

Something I am NOT pleased about (always good to get negative out of my system and move on to the positive): I feel like in all sorts of ways, I am trying harder lately than I normally ever did. And with less success. I am embarrassed to admit that the first area that occurs to me is my body. I feel like all of a sudden now that I am 21, it's like before I even realized all those classic women's troublesome parts (i.e. thighs, stomach, etc) are beginning to rebel against me. I won't indulge in too many more thoughts like this. It is just the most petty area where I realize how little control I have as time moves on. How many areas there are like that, huh friends? Body, romance, mood, sometimes even one's own sanity---sometimes don't these all seem like things we're watching happening TO us rather than something we are making happen?

I almost ALMOST deleted all that because for a while I have prided myself on sincerely not worrying about my body as much as the average girl stereotype that men and women alike can't stand. I always prided myself on not letting that sort of pressure get under my skin. But, maybe because of how sleepy I feel, I say screw pride and choose honesty. Agreed? :)

Oh I promised a positive part, didn't I? Well....I am thinking of Liam at the tail end of an interview weekend and a lot of big decisions. I am thinking of my sister being home in 10 days and then being within 20 minutes for a whole year! I am thinking about how the Bowie Blade hired me to do freelance this Summer in my (supposed) spare time. I am thinking about clutching my little cousin's hand last night in the scary parts of Harry Potter 3. Strange how brave one feels when having to convince someone else not to be so scared. I am thinking of my older cousin (who I used to ADORE as a kid) calling me up and inviting me to social outings like line dancing and dinner with friends. I am thinking of my a LOT of my old roommate and missing her very much and am going to go call her right now.

A whole list of pleasant things. See? Without even realizing it, by typing them all out for you here, I have significantly cheered myself up!

Much love all.