"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me now pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth or bury my face in a pillow or stretch myself taut or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return." (Mary Jean Iran)


Life is pretty good and I am glad its Lent and I have great people around me so none of that is the problem. I feel distant and detached from my self/who I see myself being or wanting to be as well as from others. Try as I might, I can't work up the energy to be a social butterfly anymore. I know a lot of people around here who I like to talk to and be around BUT...things that are changing about me:

1. I just don't like big parties. I like wedding receptions and family gatherings sometimes. Or friends in a group of less than 8. But most of the time, I find parties exhausting lately. I get too easily distracted with everyone working the room. I just kind of want to catch up. And you cant do that at parties.

2. I judge people a little more easily. This has got to go. What do I judge them for? Shallowness (but I internet shop and watch Dawsons creek!), attention whoredom, too perfect hair (but I'm just jealous), gym addicts, fake people (but everyone who comes to love me started out thinking I was fake) and the final irony...people who are too judgemental. HA

3. This is small. I don't know what my style is anymore. I feel like I can't pull off the old tight jeans and thrift store t-shirt college look anymore. booooo. I generally find myself less attractive more often in these older years. But that might pass. I definitely feel more like an adult. But do I have to look like one??

4. I cannot seem to make myself make time for God in my day to day life.

5. A big one impacting my blog-updatedness. I get tired so much more easily. I used to be able to rock it till 4 am. Not so much lately.

I don't like any of this. But I have to remember that people I think are really amazing care about me. And that means something. And even when I think I am pushing God away from what is going on with me, God's word is still working on something with my life. I don't know what but I really do know and believe that.

Peace.