Tuesday, April 11, 2006

More whining about my body. Ready?

So I truly truly truly understand (maybe differently than it was originally intended) how it feels when the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. I have felt sick for weeks like I said. I have been to the doctor. They were able to inform me that sometimes people get colds on top of allergies and allergies hit their peak at this time of year. That's somewhat helpful and all, but I don't know what to do when I want to:
keep up with my reading
enjoy the company of friends
have deeper connections with God in my everyday life
make it to a better percentage of my classes
make a better effort at fitness

when what the situation is is that :
I have a strained and hoarse voice and barely had any voice all weekend
my trashcan is half filled anew every single day with my tissues
I can't walk outside for five minutes without my nose pinching up
etc

These minor annoyances continuing nonstop over the course of weeks makes me feel like I am helpless. Maybe even in spiritual crisis. Because literally for half of every day lately or more I have had to think about my damn nose!!

I'm sorry. I am just so frustrated. I love the body and I think its important, but there are so many important things in my life right now, and I just want less of my actions to be focused on maintenance and damage control of one piece of it.

Understand?
I had to vent.

So what are some of these important things? Well, for one, it is this beautiful time of year where there are blossoms and people streaming outside. (Not me. Not much. I can't. Body won't have it). It's this brief pleasant, ripe time and I would be happy even to just be out there and take it in and walk around this quaint little town to enjoy it. Also, finals are coming with alarming speed. Also, I want to have the energy and the good mood to reach out better to my friends that really mean something here. You want people you care about to KNOW that you care about them, if not with them, then at least with a note or something.

I am rambling. I just want to really be present here in these brief three years in this place, and lately I feel like I am just barely getting by. Does God care about my nose and its ailments and its affects on all the larger parts of life? I sure hope so.

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