Cheesy alert: There are these balloons in our cafeteria that floated up to the high ceiling close to Valentines Day. They are red, shaped like hearts, with the word Love on them. They are looking pretty worn and starting to deflate. But they are still up there after all these weeks. Tonight while I worked, I looked up at them and felt like they were a good image for where I am at right now.
Ok so I warned you. But images help me a lot. They give clarity and detail to a sometimes unwieldy situation that gets more vague before it ever gets any clearer.
I have been learning a lot lately. When my sister came to visit we had this amazing talk about men and women and how we function in relationships. I have spent some good quality time with people. I have felt missed, cared for and given to. I hope that I am giving as much. I worry about some of the people in my life. I am not the only one fighting to have a hope and a vision and connections with other people. Some people who mean the world to me are in these bad places and I wish so much that I could help. But I know people felt that about me last year when things were really the worst. There is only so much we can do for each other. And it is still worth trying. Because I want people to always think it is worth trying with me.
As for me, I sort of turn on and off. Some days I feel sluggish and disengaged and fatalistic in my outlook. Other days, like today, I got to walk around in flip flops and feel the sun on my face and think these helpful thoughts.
1 comment:
I love your blog and think you are a very gifted writer / speaker / idea express-er. I hesitate to share my own thoughts because sometimes I fear they can be too dark or negative for a public journal or because I simply can't express them adequately. But sometimes you even give voice to things I am feeling! :)
Love Sary
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