Life has been very good to me up here. I think at least once a day how much I already love it here. It is stunningly beautiful, the energy of the camp is infectious, my job feels incredibly important and fulfilling and I know I am with exactly the right person for me.
However, sometimes when things are good like this, I get into auto pilot mode and forget to take care of myself, especially mind and spirit. And when I do that, my relationships suffer because I am more prone to sudden bouts of insecurity, defensiveness, pride, etc. And then when conflict rears its ugly head, I feel so threatened by it that I basically cannot rest until it is solved when in most cases, time to simmer is needed for all parties. It is so hard for me to simmer. I just boil and boil until I boil over.
I know that would not happen as much if I was more centered, more peaceful in myself, more deeply rooted in the faith that I am taken care of and that everything will indeed be alright. I have that in me. We all do, I think. But if we don't connect on it and we just coast along thinking we can spontaneously handle anything that comes our way, we are preparing for a fall. There is no need to anticipate negative things or be paranoid, but for me, it is worthwhile to regularly readjust myself to the reality of my faith, hope and love.
1 comment:
Recognizing this is half the battle, Jess. It really is! I've been there, and can empathize more than you know! I love you fo'always... Mom
Post a Comment