I feel funny because it is only Friday night, the first official night Jason is spending with the Boys Camping Society and starting on Sunday they will be away for ten days sea kayaking in Maine, hiking, working on a farm, etc. It is such an awesome opportunity for Jason and that makes me feel happy inside and really very satisfied once again about this move being good for the both of us.
However, I feel funny because I miss him already. I feel an ache when I know I won’t get to be around him for any real length of time. What is strange about it is that the closer it gets to our reunion day, the easier it gets for me and the better I feel, and it seems like it is the opposite for him. He takes separation in stride at first, but then starts to get the impatient pangs. So we commiserate, but with different timing.
Anyhow, I feel a little needy when I miss him like this. It is worse in a situation like this where I have no other person close to me nearby and somehow the prospect of striking an intimate friendship up with someone new from square one just sounds way too exhausting right now. I wonder if I will ever have to energy to go for it, or if I will one day wake up lonely and just have to make myself get back out there.
Day to day so far I have not felt very lonely at all. Just in moments where I have had a bad day, am upset, and don’t want to put it all on Jason or try to find the mysteriously small pockets of cell reception around here to call family and old friends. I just don’t want to overburden Jason, or anyone else for that matter. But of course, I am a verbal processor and a social person and I like the feeling of really being known by a couple key people in my day to day life. I want that to just magically happen right now, but that’s not how it works.
So right now, cheesy though it may sound, I am working on being my own best support and my own truest friend.
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