I had such a pleasantly low-key weekend with my house and yet still, tonight found myself close to what I could only term as an anxiety attack. I had to really concentrate on breathing just to stay still and quiet on the drive to and during church. I felt like my heart was just pounding and my head was teeming with all kinds of pressing thoughts. The thing was, most of the thoughts weren't that bad. In fact, the majority of them were pretty good like the fact that
I AM GOING TO HONDURAS FOR TWO WEEKS AFTER I GRADUATE :)
or I AM GRADUATING IN LESS THAN TWO MONTHS
but then I was also thinking about quite a few of my friends and how they're doing and how unreliable I feel about hanging out and not having time and I thought about each class and its assignments and my internship and trying to get someone else to take this apartment and where my relationship with God was and how I am doing as a single and.....

well you can see how all this thrown at me simultaneously would be a bit much. At least, I hope you can see that. But I have never had a bodily reaction the way I did tonight. It freaked me out and I just didn't know where it was coming from. I've felt really content lately and blessed. There are some 'what if's and all that stuff but overall I am just happy with where I'm at now. I think I have been seeking an escape into my house much more than I would normally. Could I be I understand my beloved introverted friends more than I thought? I just, even tonight, wanted to run and get away from everyone and yet at the same time just have someone know exactly how I was feeling without having to go through it all and explain it. That definitely drove me right into Jesus' arms.

It took me a little while to calm down. I didn't cry or anything because I wasn't sad. It's not sadness. I just needed to calm down. I didn't think my life was THAT stressful, and it probably isn't. But my body was trying to tell me something. Just like Sean's body still being in one piece after an accident this weekend was trying to tell him something. Be thankful for right now. Things always end up working out somehow. That doesn't sound cliche right now. It sounds like something I'd like to repeat to myself over and over until I fall asleep.

"Discipline is the human effort to create the space in which God can be generous and give you what you need." (Henri Nouwen)