Hello all.

At the threat of updating 'or else' in that last comment from Li I am racking my brain for what to share with you today. I don't want to have to deal with 'or else' after all. :) I am working today with my cap and scarf on and all I want is some fingerless mittens because this charming old office is drafty as all get out.

Well I can say this without elaborating too deeply. I came to near to a very unexpected panic attack yesterday evening. This tends to happen when I get too fixated on me and my goals and my future and MY 'calling' or lack thereof on many days. I had a less than positive experience working with kids and it was frustrating because working with kids was my first and most consistent thing I thought I could do with my life. And lately I just don't know.

But it's true that it doesn't really even matter. I always set myself up to have like a dozen+ decisions about what to do next and I drive myself crazy with too many options when really, if I am being Jessie, a Christian girl not yet a woman (ha) who is trying to love and serve the people around me with what I have, then it doesn't matter in what capacity. How could working with 35 crazy 7 year old Girl Scouts be right or wrong? How could serving food to homeless people be right or wrong? How could going to grad school next year be right or wrong? See where I'm going with this? Who we are is more important than that. I inadvertently idolize myself and my life if I put too much pressure on these decisions.

So anyway, after crying to Li and my sister and talking through my thoughts with a couple wise housemates, I feel much more solid. Thank goodness that when we are feeling weak, God graces us with others who feel strong and can give us peace of mind and comforting words and ways to lift these burdens off.

I had such a GREAT weekend in the Outer Banks. Hanging out with the women in my family makes me feel blessed to overflowing. The Goldbeck/Doerrer women are so quick to laughter and so nurturing and fun to be around. We just drank wine coolers, playing Telephone Pictionary, watched Dirty Dancing and sat on the beach. MMMmmmm...and what else could I ask for in a vacation? Oh, I know! Getting to see my boyfriend unexpectedly on the drive back!! That just is the icing on the cake. Me, Mom and Sarah got to have lunch with Li and although very brief, that was a nice surprise for this one more long distance relationship. My mom is thrilled to pieces that this years' OBX trip was so much less depressing for me. I was in no place to have fun last year. But time heals all things, doesn't it? You don't believe it at the time and that's the irony.

I probably sound about as awake as I feel this morning. I have been getting up early with Noeleen and Lisa, my housemates and doing workouts in the park. It was so wintery cold this morning that we stayed in and did a Pilates DVD and then I drank a can of Espresso that my boss gave me. So I am ready for today. Speaking of that, I should get back to work. Today will be good. I get to wear my thick tights that are so warm and my comfy shoes and I have hot soup for lunch and my dad is taking me out to post-work dinner. So pleasant.


Joel and Rhea and Ronna I miss you and you to head for the East ASAP!:)

I hope all of you are well. I am praying more this year for other people so I have been remembering you.