thoughts from a walk

This morning I slept in, which for me this summer means 9:15. I woke up without an alarm, a delicious feeling.

I finished my sermon, watched a Woody Allen movie and went for the most fantastic walk. I realized how pleasing it was just to feel summer sun on my shoulders and watch the blue crane fly around the pond in my neighborhood and break a good sweat and look around and see no one, not a soul except me, almost like the whole scene was all mine.

And then I thought, after all this mess, I am happy again. Not just having fun or distracting myself, but genuinely happy in a situation I could never have anticipated. Happy in a way that is different from the carefree, lovey-dovey days of high school and happy in a way that is different from the endless options and possibilities of college and dorm life. I guess the closest comparison is when I was in Italy, and my happiness there was a quiet one with a lot of alone time....something I have come to really value.

I think living in a city or on a bustling campus can sometimes have one detrimental effect of making you feel guilty for spending down time alone; making you feel as though if you are not busy every minute, you are not really living. It is nice and refreshing this summer to wake up and feel ok about all that. I hope I can keep up that balance when I go back to school.

I so easily lose faith in how everything always ends up working out one way or another. Something bad happens in my life and I assume that will herald in a miserable year. But nothing is ever as bad as I anticipate or at least nothing ever stays that way.