How much do we choose?

On this cold, gray and rainy day ending the month of March, I have a lot of questions. One of the most pressing to me is about who we are.

How much do we choose? How much is chosen for us? How much do we do that we simply cannot help but do because it is who we are? Can we really choose to be anything we want?

If I say, "I am going to be happy today", but I just don't feel it, will faking it work? And if I am faking it, am I really happy today? Can you "fake it till you make it?"

If I say that I am going to be less anxious and more easygoing, less of a pushover and more strong-willed, can I pull those things off?

Or are there really some things that we just cannot change, at least not without years of work/therapy/self-discipline? My sister has asked herself this question about her temper. And she has been reasonably successful in remaking herself because her situations in life called for it. She wanted to make her long-term relationship work, and part of making it work was being willing to actively try to change this part of herself because it was a hindrance.

Can we do that with anything? Or are there some things we will just always wrestle with and never totally shake off?

I told someone today a quote that I heard in the movie "The Last Kiss" directed by Zack Braff. When Zack's character cheats on his fiancee, he goes to her family's house where she is basically hiding out and begs their forgiveness, declaring how much he loves her and how he would never hurt her again. And one of the things that her father says is
"It doesn't matter that you love her. It's not love that counts. It's what you do to the people you say you love. That's the only thing that counts."
For some reason that stuck with me because I am a really emotional person, carried away easily by my feelings.

But I do believe that love is a choice. Not just romantic love, but how we act with anyone in our lives. How we love is our choice. The really shitty, hard-to-accept part of life seems to be that you can choose to love people the very best you can, but you cannot, will not ever be able, to control if and how they choose to love you back.

But hey, I guess if you love those given to you in your life the very best you can, results don't matter too much. Because you are still a person capable of loving with all you have to give.