I am entering my second week of CPE at UPenn's hospital, and it has been really intense already, but it is exactly totally where I need to be this Summer. I feel very lucky to have such a pleasant atmosphere in my neighborhood and home environment because I can tell I will need it when I leave work. But there really is something about this place that compels and challenges me. It makes me feel like I have something concrete to grow towards because it will ask so much of me. Actually tonight I am entering into my first on-call overnight duty for the Trauma/Emergency Department. I shadowed someone last week but today I am on my own. I feel some butterflies because there is a lot to remember and so much at stake so I don't want to mess up. I want to at least not make a person's pain worse by screwing up with caring for them emotionally and spiritually. Never before have I felt such need for constant prayer: prayer in the sense of being in touch with God at every moment for sustenance and guidance.

I really want to talk about some of this experience but I don't really know where to start. I am an intern with five other young ladies, two of whom are Jewish so it is an interfaith ministry, which has already been a great learning tool because so often we fall into a mode of Christian subculture where we assume everyone knows what we are talking about and they don't. I think a lot about friends like Rhea right now. Or my mom and aunts and grandma and what they must have been going through when my granddad died after so much trouble with his heart. I think about what they would have wanted and what I would want. I have not really been in a situation that required a hospital for someone I love too much, especially nothing life-threatening. Everything I say and do feels so small and inadequate. But maybe just someone putting themselves out their for the sake of your emotional and spiritual health in a scary place like this is enough. Maybe that act of being willing to look like an ass for ministry is enough.

Other than that, Philly is great. I live with a couple named Josina and Michael from my church. They have two small children, Zora and Malachi. I have already grown very fond of them and feel very comfortable there. I find it so neat to see so many young families living such great lives in a city. It is so different from what I know of my childhood, but it is cool to see how many different things can make for a great upbringing. Living in a city is something I want for my future and each day that goes by and just feels normal assures me that it is possible and not out of the ordinary.

Yet I do miss the comforts of my home because of my parents. They have been so great to me. They really believe in my ability to do this. As do my sister and Liam and close friends. Nothing helps me more right now than people who really know me showing confidence in me when I am so shaky with my own. So I really appreciate that. Now, my goal is start really getting into the city more and developing a routine that allows me to be out there enjoying this place while I have it.

A nice quote for you to end this post from my fantastic boss, Ralph:

"Pastoral Care is the art of helping a person experience themselves as a child of God" :)