This is me reaching out

Hi all. So I may need some extra love and support from you for the next few weeks (months?) because last night Liam and I broke up.

It is definitely not mutual and it hurts to even write it out. I know that it is something he needs, and I know he tried with everything he had to make it work. But there is just so much going on for him, and I have to come to terms that I can not fix all that or make it better. That is not my work to do as much as I want to be there for him in that.

I cannot lie though. I am praying with every ounce of me that this is only temporary. He has given me reason to think that perhaps it might be, and I know that holding a torch for someone for too long is unhealthy. I do know that, and from experience at that! But I have to be true to myself right now, just as Li is being true to himself. And every part of me right now believes truly that we are right together. That a life together would be amazing.

So I am waiting this out and seeing what happens. I just went to a seminar that my church put on yesterday entitled "Creative Suffering". That coupled with the ethos of Lent and Holy Week is helpful right now. Please pray for me friends, and pray for Liam too. We both need it.

I don't mean to be melodramatic here or compare my break-up to Jesus' suffering, but I think that meditating upon things like this are helpful to remind me that Jesus really does know how awfully hard it is to feel all that I feel right now:

"Passion is a kind of waiting -- waiting for what other people are going to do. Jesus went to Jerusalem to announce the good news to the people of that city. And Jesus knew that he was going to put a choice before them: will you be my disciple or will you be my executioner? There is no middle ground here. Jesus went to Jerusalem to put the people in a situation where they had to say 'yes' or 'no'. That is the great drama of Jesus' passion: he had to wait upon how people were going to respond. How would they come? To betray him or follow him?...all action ends in passion because the response to our action is out of our hands." (Henri Nouwen)