I have not written in a while and a couple close people have started to comment on that. And I would say that it's because I haven't had time, but there always seems to be busyness. That is not going anywhere. It's not an issue of not enough time. But time is different right now. It's a different kind of time. And filled with different things.
I do not spend my days making jokes and shuffling bookbags and thinking through deep issues with a bunch of other twenty-somethings. I'm doing chaplain work in a hospital so I meet people of all ages, all races, all religions. I like it that way. As stressful as the nature of the work is, I have been surprised by how IN it I have been. I have not felt that pang of wondering what I am missing not being in school anymore.
EXCEPT OF COURSE
when I answer the clarion call of facebook. ON the one hand, I feel so skeptical about it because it is a distant and contrived form of communicating and connecting. But still......everyone IS communication and connecting that way. Just seeing how many people I know and am interested in and wondering about use it every day multiple times a day......it is compelling. Is this now my only real choice for feeling connected to PTS and to who I was when I got to be in school all the time? Because I have a dilemma that is probably familiar. I want to know what's going on with people, but I hate the phone. I want to know that friends are thinking of me, especially when I am weighed down with my stuff. But often that's at like midnight and I have to go to bed and get up at 6:30 the next day.
So I guess, in a way, I feel backed into a corner and facebook is the only way not to sort of isolate myself.
Then again, I feel exhausted thinking about the world of facebook where I have 350 "friends". Instead I need to think of creative ways to stay in touch with my 8-10 real friends who have different schedules and different concerns in this stage. I don't know if I'm doing such a good job with that. My days feel primarily full of
1. Trenton
2. the hospital
3. NJ Transit
4. Jason
5. Netflix
and once in a while connections to my friends and family. I don't want this current pattern to set the tone for the rest of my post-school life. But for now, it's ok.
As for the hospital work, I really do want to think more about it here. But so much has happened. So much happens there everyday. And my head is full of sickness. So that will come later.
Any questions I could answer? I like direction.....gimme some questions and I'll write from there.
3 comments:
I hear you on all of that, Jessie. I'm full of hospital thoughts, and liking my work...and feeling disconnected from friends. I have no illusions that either one of us will have a long conversation with the other any time soon, but I'll be thinking of you in the hospital world, and idly wishing that we had all the time in the world to compare experiences :)
hehe, yeah I'd love to take over spot number 3 or 5, surely netflix and NJ transit wouldn't mind...but then, how would you get to work? love you, babe and hope you feel better and that I get to see you soon!!
Jess: What a nice surprise to find a new posting from you on your blog! (I don't DO facebook, doncha know...) Sounds like your allergies are really getting you down. Take good care of yourself, my girl. And let the hospital, Jason, and Netflix fill your life for now. That's surely enough, at least for a short while until you feel better. Ya want some direction for your blog? Feel free to share your stories from the hospital -- I always love hearing your insight and imagining you in your element. Yours is such an important career! I love you so...
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