Still looking forward to a day when just thinking or reading the word 'single' doesnt make me want to punch myself in the face. or at least for a day when my heart is truly, rationally convinced that that word doesn't mean 'alone'. It would help if I felt like I had more direction or goals or plans. Yet I suppose that God wants me to be in this place right now, this place devoid of all plans or tracks or even pictures in my head. I usually at least have those! my future is pictureless, people and I am distressed!



random tidbit (but fun!): Jon Frost IMed me today from Mexico!! Go Jon Frost for just having courage to do what he is doing.

I did a great job procrastinating tonight on my work. But hey, I always pull through work-wise. Thank you Jesus for that talent that really isnt a talent. But I did get to go to the women's Bible Study I joined at Circle of Hope for the second time. The girls in it are great people, but actually they are women. Not ALL married, but mostly. And mostly over the age of 25. Hey, but some of my close male friends are around that age. I guess I just feel strange because I dont want them to think they can't relate to me or I to them. I actually enjoy their perspective, and I feel I have much to contribute. We are reading a book by Mother Teresa. C'mon friends, you know I have plenty to say when the Catholic jabs begin! hehe.

Anyway also, this afternoon, I was proud of finally taking initative to go into the darkroom and try to print out some of my pics of my friends' wedding this Summer as well as developing my first roll of film back here. I was nervous it would turn out crappy, but it worked out great!

Since I appear to be writing about my day backwards, my counselor Gerri is so funny! She is so....jittery, hyper, etc. when she walks in to meet me. It kind of stresses me out. I just have to sit calmly in the chair across from her and wait until I feel like she has settled into the moment to actually start talking to her. But she is offering more and more input which I couldnt be more happy about right now. One simple piece of advice she gave me is to remember ALL the ways in which I have to take care of myself--not JUST by letting myself express my feelings, but also but remaining involved in my life, particularly the parts that I find hard to stay interested in right now like my classes. She said I am taking care of me when I attend to my grades, and I must remember that. Amen, Gerri. Way to finally do more than listen to my rambling.

Albert Camus: author of the book of the paper I will stop ignoring in a minute:
"yet sincerity itself is not always a virtue. There are times when sincerity is so confused that it is worse than lies. The problem of our day is not how to speak with words from the heart, but how to think clearly."

hmmm. and with that, done.