I would like to keep posting. I don't have any lack of things to share. I just don't really know where to begin. I alternate between worry and near-peace in so so many areas of my life right now. Is my life supposed to be exciting like this? Exciting really isnt the word.

I wonder about my independence. I always sort of prided myself on being this well-rounded, involved social person, and concluded that to mean that those adjectives implied an independence that....lets face it....may not be there. I dealt with this sort of thing in Italy a bit. How much do I LET myself lean on others? How much will they even have to give in relation to what I really really need? How much am I willing to take what I can get? When you care about people as a Christian, how much do you really carry each others burdens and give yours off to others, versus just dumping them on God? AKA: all my worries, goals, doubts about my self, questions about relationships, and little things that make me crazy... I have always noticed a thing with my faith (maybe some of you recognize this in yourself) where I will, with sincerity, 'give it all up' to God and let go of my control. Yet somehow, some way the very next day I will find I have taken it back into my hands and must give it back all over again.

I keep noticing this thing in myself. I keep thinking maybe this time I've got it licked. But it appears to be one of those lifelong lessons that you learn and relearn.......and relearn. I just look at this stage and wonder, is this a stage I can get comfortable in or do I just have to ride it out until I come to something more stable in a couple months or years? It helps to look at my friends and remember where they were a year ago. For every single one, it was in a place that was very different. I certainly cant claim to be the only victim of change.


a productive night and a yummy one getting treated to Outback by a friend and her family. my little twin bed is beckoning me.